Welcome back. You belong here.

I’m not sure when or how I learned it, but I have an issue with attachment. My therapist nailed it in our first session, she said “you’re  not dealing with shame, you’re dealing with attachment”.

Attachment is necessary when you’re 10 years old. I attached to my grandmother when I was in 1st grade because she fed me, clothed me, bought me Captain Crunch and provided the love and warmth I needed.

But as I got older, I continued to attach to people. I began to think less and less about my needs and wants and more about who was giving me attention.

I never detached as a teenager.

Instead, during my teenage and college years, I attached even more to my grandmother (by taking care of her), to authority figures, to anyone who seemed to show me love. 

Now as an adult, I’ve finally begun to detach and love myself.

The other day I got a haircut at a fancy place in town, they have large mirrors, fancy girls in hip outfits catering to your every need, engaging you in conversation and making you feel important.

A few years ago, this would have meant everything to me, it provided significance and value, a place to be seen. But last week, I felt different, I was just getting a  good haircut from good people cutting hair, nothing less, nothing more, I stayed “within myself”.

Do you attach to friends, husband/wife, significant other, children for the wrong reasons? Do you have an attachment issue?

Here are somethings to do:

1. Evaluate your relationships, rate them in terms of attachment (1-5)

2. If you have 4’s and 5’s ask yourself, what would happen if I was to detach from those people?

3. Lastly, imagine yourself doing things on your own, out of your own strength. What would that dream or goal look like if you were to detach?

I don’t mean to say attachments are all bad. It’s very important to trust God, love your wife/husband, be faithful, be committed. I’m not talking about love or faithfulness, I’m talking about not being yourself and therefore attaching to those who seem to have it all together.

Thanks for being here.

Trig