Fear of Failure is Weird

Fear of failing is a strange feeling, it’s usually never real but it feels very real. I fear that I will be homeless, lose everything, our house, our jobs, one day our children will be hungry and I will never this or never that…Funny.

Where does this come from? I’ve learned it comes from growing up unsure of things – career, vocation, skills, gifts, etc. I haven’t always feared, in fact, my wife keeps telling me I never used to care about these things until recently.

Recently was two years ago, when for the first time in 20 years I had to find a job, not in my area of expertise. That was tough and still has me reeling to some degree, but things are getting better. 

Counseling, learning a lot about my emotions and self, and most of all getting more comfortable in my own skin has really helped. Feeling like you’re leaving everything you know, in my case music in the church, to follow your dreams, when you’re a lover not a fighter is a tough thing.

But things are improving, I’m getting stronger on the inside which is where the battle is for me, learning to trust, to let go of control, to see myself accurately, not more or less than I really am, to be okay being me.