Welcome back. You belong here.
Today I laughed at myself in front of a thousand people. Usually, when things don’t go as I planned them I go fetal. I don’t do well with change, in fact, I hate change. For the last few months, my therapist has been talking to me about being like an Olympic athlete and use all parts of my brain. Due to trauma in my life as a little boy (separation, loneliness, having to raise myself) as well as just how God made me, my feelings have been off the chart.
When most people use all parts of their brain, rational, feeler and the present-now to make decisions, process information, etc. I mostly use my feelings. It’s what makes me the artist I am. But it has it’s hangups.
But today, I was able to bring a lot of what I’ve learned the last few months into a moment without trying to laugh at myself. It just happened. I did do a bit of self-hate, another flaw, but not too bad. That’s also part of the process.
I’ve been dealing with heart palpitations for 8-9 weeks just about every day, am taking medication for it (not helping yet), etc. This has made me anxious. But days like today, together with what I’m learning about how God made me are all doing something new in me. I actually feel like I’m changing.
This huge elephant in the room who is me, is trying to change. Not easy, and the process has been so difficult (and expensive!). But God continues to walk with me, and so many things seem to make sense more than ever.
Mostly that even the things that seem impossible, whatever those habits, patterns, attitudes (for me is taking everything so personal) can change.
May this give you hope and encourage you to pursue a better you, to seek to be the person God has made you to be, and to see any difficulty you’re going through now as a possible part of the process of healing and restoration.
Have a great day.
Into the future,