Welcome back. You belong here.
This is part-3 (Final) of an exerpt from my book “Every Day Grace: From Anxious Freak to Fearless Lover”.
Read Part 2 – here
Then it happened.
I suddenly got the feeling God was up to more than letting play in front of John Elway, eating raisin bagles and drinking decent coffee.
During one of the breaks, Sam, one of the band members and I, got talking about our backgrounds and he told me something that really impacted me. I mentioned to him how I deal with fear and anxiety and how I sometimes lack courage. He said, “you deal with that?” He told me about times in his life when he’s been courageous, of how God has not made us for fear but for strength. But the thing that hit me the most was when he said “I’m getting goose bumps just talking about it.” I felt it too.
You know the feeling when you’re physically standing with someone but your mind is somewhere else? Like when you talk to a pretty girl or you realize you just got a raise or you finally got that much needed talk on the phone with your sister. You feel like you’re floating in mid-air.
That’s how it felt when Sam and I were talking, it was like zero-gravity. It gives me goose-bumps even now as I write.
But God was not done.
During the next break, Fish, another band member said to me, “I want you to know I didn’t leave because of you.”
That may sound shocking to you but I was wondering the same thing “did you leave because of me?” Long story short, Fish and I used to go to the same church. I stayed and he left and who knows what really happened but being on stage that day made me wonder what that was all about.
So during the break we got a chance to talk about the past, he gave me some great ideas for future ministry and who knows what may come of our friendship.
But God was still not done!
At the end of the whole day, the band leader, the one who I thought didn’t want me there, the one who I wasn’t sure how he felt about my skills, pulled me aside and said “thanks for pushing through.”
He told me how during my time in Colorado (I lived there for almost four years) we never did anything together. He told me how it confused him being I had so many gifts to share with others yet never did.
He was right.
I told him how selfish I’d been and how I’ve changed. I told him how God has been working in my heart over the past few years, how I’ve realized that doing things alone doesn’t work and how I’ve grown in my need for community and relationship. We both smiled. He agreed to buy a few of my CD’s and we wished each other the best.
Whew! I should have stayed home!
It was Sunday at 4am and it was cold in the room where I was staying but the blankets covered me like fog in the night making me feel warm inside.
When I woke up, all I wanted to do was stay in bed and say to God “I have a cold”, but God had different plans. He spoke to me through a gentle, spiritual voice, saying, “get in the car and drive.”
Playing in front of John Elway was definetly fun. Talking about courage with Sam was great, working things out with Fish was much needed. But those weren’t the best part.
The best part was getting up, putting on my clothes, getting in the car and driving 40mns south to a church I’d never been to before. It was great because that’s what the Spirit told me to do, without any promises, without any knowledge of why. And by God’s grace, that morning, I listened.
Thanks for being here,