My abuelita’s sister, tia Alicia, called this morning. I called her back and we couldn’t finish our conversation, she broke down in tears as we thought of grandma. Today I also spoke to Margie, my uncle Hector’s wife (abuelita’s son). She told me she can only imagine how I must miss gramma, knowing our relationship, that she lived right here with us and how much we loved each other. I cried.

This stuff is so raw, it’ll be 4 months tomorrow. Feels like days. My abuelita died on Jan. 3rd, 2005 of a brain anyurism, she was in a comma for 10 days, she was 78. She had lived in our home for the last 5 years. She raised me since age 6, was my second mother, and the most significant person in my life, she was my friend.

A few days ago, Canela our 6 year old told me how abuelita used to comfort her when she was sad. I had just disciplined Canela, so this was fresh on her mind. She told me that when my grandma would see her crying, she would bring her a cup of water, even if she was in the bathroom. What tender memories by our girl.

Tonight I was doing the dishes and started to cry. I cooked and was cleaning the table after bathing the children, reading them stories, tucking them in and putting them to bed. I kept saying to her (in Spanish), “you taught me everything I know about cooking and cleaning, I learned everything from you. Thank you for being my example, I wasn’t done learning.”

I miss mi abuelita Amanda Morales Gutierrez.