If you’ve lost a loved one, you understand. If not, try to understand. Grieving the loss of my gramma is more than crying and tears. It includes anger (snapped at band member last night), tiredness, feeling overwhelmed, depression. On the other hand, it also includes busyness and stress.

A good friend often asks me regarding my gramma, “aren’t you better by now?”. She died Jan. 3rd, 2005, today is Feb. 18th, 2005. Most people see things in terms of time and space, “that’s more than 6 weeks for goodness sake, get over it!”.

And yet, those of us who grieve have to live in two worlds, our loss and your life. For the rest of the world, life goes on and so it does for me, I just carry this thing called pain. Grieving people can be a nuisance, that’s all they talk about! “Get a life man, get over it, let go and let God”. Grieving people can be these “woe is me, I’m so special, no one understands me, my pain is so unique”. And it’s true, my pain is unique and so is yours.

As Henry Nowen says in  Life of the Beloved, “it is the uniqueness of our pain that makes us human”. But you need to work through your grief! You’re right and I’m doing it. I go to work every day, I work out, I love my wife on Valentine’s Day, every morning I put on my socks and get crackers and cheese for our 3 year old just like the rest of the world.

When I went through the New Hope Grief Support group, they taught us about the acutness of pain 6-8 weeks into grief. We’re here right now and let me tell you, it’s tough. It’s not just tears and it’s not that I don’t ‘feel better’. It’s practical.

This morning I vacuumed the whole house, I enjoy doing that, it’s my job. But my gramma would have picked up the chairs and toys off the carpet to make things quicker for me. That’s gone. Selfish? Whatever, it’s a reality I live with. The loss of relationship is the deepest form of loss, then comes the loss of her hands and feet, then comes the loss of wisdom and input. It’s not linear, it has different levels.

Do you have a friend in need? It’s more than tears for them, it’s also practical, it’s doing the daily things. Help them with groceries, help them go to Auto Zone and buy some oil, help them buy books for school. And after the dinners are gone and the cards stop coming and I have to review the proofs on my grandmother’s marker, “Amanda Morales – March 4, 1926 – Jan. 3rd, 2005 – beloved mother, sister and grandmother” (like I have to do today), remember to be patient with me and those who grieve. “Please Be Patient with Me, I’m a Grieving Person.”