When do people being to find themselves? Some people say it happens in your 30’s, for some it happens in their 20’s, for others it’s yet to happen, for me it didn’t happen till my 40’s. Recently someone wrote saying “you’ve found your voice” and I think they’re right.
I didn’t find myself in my 30’s due to childhood trauma and issues of separation. In my 20’s, I was close, doing what I love to do, music, creating, marrying the love of my life but I couldn’t sustain it.
What does finding yourself mean?
Is it vocation, boldness, not caring about what people think. Is it being knocked down and getting back up, is it facing your mortality, dealing with pain and loss?
Here are 5 Ways to Find Yourself:
This is huge because being self-aware helps you do what you do best and to let go of all other expectations. I wish I was the best speaker ever, but I’m not. I wish I was the best singer in the world, but I’m not, I wish I was an amazing business man, but I’m not.
The good news is that I’m learning what I naturally do (I’m creative, compassionate, a musician, a lover, an encourager). Knowing who you’re not is often more important than knowing who you are.
When you realize you’re wrong about a lot of things, you’re beginning to find yourself. Pride gets us no where but humility opens doors. It’s hard to be vulnerable, I’d still rather hide behind words and knowledge than show my true self, but the moments when we’re actually vulnerable, are the moments when we feel more in tune with our true selves.
Related to the first two, knowing your weaknesses is vital but even more than that, knowing that we are weak is a huge part of finding yourself. When we are weak we can let God’s strength come in, on the other hand, when we are filled with ego and pride, nothing can get in.
The most important aspect of finding yourself is when you get in touch with what you love, or better yet who you love. Love is truly the promised land, the fountain of youth, the heavenly prize.
Show me a person filled with love, and I’ll show you a person who’s found themselves. Love is a great mystery because it grows, it evolves, like a marriage, like parenting, like any true relationship, love is the killer app, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. Nothing can live without love, all the wisdom, knowledge, training, education means nothing without love.
Living from a place of love gives you strength, courage, passion, something awesome to live for.
When you come into your own, you find your own voice, you know what you love, what you stand for and you’re willing to stand up and be counted because you’re no longer afraid. Instead you’re motivated by a deep sense of destiny, cause, passion and you have the guts to actually do something about it.
Assignment: Take one of these and do a video about what this looks like in your life. Don’t know what you’re passionate about? Ask yourself- what makes me happy or what makes me mad.
A few months ago I was at the mall sitting on a bench playing with my brand new iPhone 6 when an older gentleman sat next to me, he was maybe in his 70’s.
He told me he had just come from Bath N Body Works where he knows all the girls that work there, they’re very nice to him. He told me how they were switching the products to a new season, new colors and new fragrances.
At first I thought he was a little strange, but he wasn’t. I showed him my new iPhone 6, he showed me his regular phone with no bells and whistles and we both laughed.
We talked about the merry go round in front of us, all the young parents bringing their children for a few minutes of magic, the tired moms, the stressed out dads, we chuckled a bit, thinking of our own parenting years.
He told me the merry go round was going away soon.
I asked him if he’d ever had an iPhone and he said no and he mentioned the typical reasons, too complicated, not comfortable with it, his daughter hadn’t gotten to it, etc.
So I said to him “let me show you”.
For the next 5-10 mns, we sat there in front of the merry go round among stressed out parents and 4 and 5 year olds having a great time and played with my brand new iPhone 6. I showed him how to turn it on, how to get online, how to check your email, I even showed him how to text, it was awesome.
His name was Marvin.
As we wrapped up our conversation, I asked Marvin what made him happy and he told me his work made him happy. Dr. Marvin was a neuro-surgeon and he told me what he loved most was all the people he’s helped, all the surgeries he’s performed, all the lives he’s saved but what he really loves most is to read.
I got up, we said goodbye and as I walked away I realized that something amazing had just happened, it was as if time had stopped. Two people sharing life, honoring each other, not trying to impress each other with our knowledge, degrees or tech savvy super powers but just being ourselves.
It was a magical moment, a moment I will never forget.
I wonder if finding yourself is kind of like sitting on a bench next to Marvin. It’s not something to pursue but something that finds us. Maybe finding yourself is more about the person you’re becoming, not the things you’re doing.
I wonder if finding yourself is available to all of us no matter our age, no matter our pain, no matter our stage in life, maybe finding yourself simply means being present, being kind, being curious, sharing, loving, learning, laughing, spinning around.
It might even feel like being on a merry go round.
Thank you for reading.
Thanks for being here.
I’m here for you cheering you, believing in you.
Never stop growing…always love, always live.
Your #GOZO friend,