Welcome back. You belong here.
Tough week. My wife’s symptoms persist, today she’s pretty sore, in tears again, discouraged at the length of the process. How did she get this? When will it end? What exactly does she have? Tomorrow she has another doctor’s appointment with the dermatologist and more results from her latest blood work.
Yesterday she was better though. Less pain, the rash is drying up, the anti-viral medication she’s on seems to be helping. She takes Tylenol for her joint pain, steroids may be required post-virus.
Today, I’m at school studying for my midterm later this afternoon. I don’t want to fail this class, I want to finish my MA in Theology, it’s very important to me.
As far as my own symptoms (concussion) they’re lessening. I finally can accept that the injury was pretty significant, although the CT showed no bleeding or swelling. But the recovery truly will take me 6 months or more. It’s been 5 months and I still feel symptoms – light headache, pressure in injured area, eye pain, light dizzyness. But God is faithful, I am much better, probably 80-85% normal. Now, it’s my wife who is not well. Amazing.
This has been a tough season of illness for my family. Back in Nov I had my concussion, in Dec. we dealt with my abuelita’s 1 year anniversary of her death, I then started feeling anxiety and panick attacks in Dec through March. Now all of April my wife has been sick. I have felt weary, tired, mad, angry, in tears, but I keep trusting God.
And look at the POSITIVE signs. I’m better, our children are healthy, our cars are running, we’ve had time off from our jobs to get better, our doctors have been helpful, no major virus has been found in Rachelle’s body (pray this continues), she is getting better slowly. God has held me through abuelita’s death, our home is amazing, we have had TONS of people helping us, praying, bringing us food. I’ve grown SO MUCH in helping my wife with the children, laundry, groceries, shopping. My wife and I have prayed more than ever, calling each other, helping each other out, talking things out, crying together, laughing, praying, just living life together.
We will be through this someday. This storm will pass, spring will come. The Spring of My Soul will come, in fact it’s here because the light of Jesus shines in our home daily.
My mom is planning on coming from Nicaragua sometime in May. The ticket prices are crazy, but we will sacrifice and bring her. She needs the time away and I will LOVE having my mom near during these trying times.
My sister Amanda is going through marriage problems, they don’t know if they will make it. Nine years of marriage, it’s terrible to see.
Im trading my sorrows for the joy of the Lord.
Work is busy, wow. We’re expanding to two more services in September and I’m helping lead them. I need to work on a plan of action to see that happen, seek advice from others that have done it, etc. I am VERY excited about the possibilities, but right now I feel so overwhelmed with our home situation it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I do see it. It’s the light of the Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
You may read this blog and think, he’s never happy. I write honestly, certainly more on the sad end of things than fun, fun, fun. But I do smile at times, I do enjoy life most days. I smile every time I see our children, when I became a U.S. Citizen a few weeks ago, when I saw Larry and Jay do so well at our Good Friday services, working with Laura was a joy.
I smile often, but it’s through tears. I cry often, but don’t confuse my honesty here, my tears with a sad life. I have an amazing life, a joyous life, my joy is not always laughter, it’s confidence.
Intimacy with God.
Quiet in the storm.
Yet not destroyed…
Yet not hopeless.
Yet not in dispair.
Yet not pretending.
Yet not fake.
Yet not religious but real.
Alive in Christ.
Alive in His hope.
Alive in His resurrection.
Alive in His death and Passion.
In the seasons of Lent.
In the seasons of Easter.
In the hope of Pentecost.
* * *
This is life. This is my life, a combination of many things. I imagine so is yours.
But you know what is the greatest emotion and truth in my life? It’s not that life is hard, though it is. It’s not that life sucks, although at times it does.
It’s that God is faithful. That He is near. That He is full of grace and truth, that the Body is near, that He is good, that He loves me, that He is all powerful and righteous. That the Spirit of Pentecost is with me today, that the Spirit is my counselor.
And there is a mission I am meant to live out, a mission with my wife, to our children, to Long Beach, to the world, to Nicaragua and Russia, to India and the Philippines.
I will survive, I have my whole life ahead of me. I will not fold the camp, I will not be sad anymore. I will not be quiet anymore,
I will rejoice in God my King. We will return from captivity back to Zion (Psalm 126) and dream once again. Then the people will say, “Surely, God has been good to them.”
Yes, He has.
Lord, heal my wife. Lord, be near to us. Come Quickly Lord.
Have a great day.
Into the future,