Challenging Christmas Eve Morn

Welcome back. You belong here.

It’s a bit of a challenging morning for me today. Abuelita stuff is swirling in my head like newspapers on a windy Chicago day. And the area where the lamp fell on my head a few weeks ago is still sore, I should probably have it checked out. It feels a bit numb. With abuelita having died of a brain anyurism, it just plays with my mind for sure.

My grandmother who raised me from age 6 lived in our home and on Dec. 24th 2004, went into the hospital while I was leading our Christmas Eve services. I am not looking forward to tonight, but I’ve been praying, talking about it with friends and I know God is with me. He will carry me. Tonight I lead our services, 5:30pm and 7pm.

I’ve been here before, the 1st year, the 2nd year after a loss. When my father died now five years ago (Dec. 31st 2000), the second year was as tough as the first. Missing him, thinking of him, his letters, the time we missed being apart, him in Nicaragua while I formed my life here in Long Beach, CA. I still miss him greatly. I’m not looking forward to this whole week, yet God is near and He has carried me.

But I have much to look forward to today, I will probably have to my head checked out which freaks me out, but I’m good. My family is near, God is right here and I’m not going crazy just yet. I hope this is just a concusion of sorts, I wasn’t knocked out, I never lost consciesness, it just feels sore and a bit numb, plus you never mess around with head injuries. My grandmother remembers falling on her head 10-12 years ago and used to say that’s how the anyurism got started. I feel a bit dizzy today, but I think it’s more nerves than anything.

So it goes for me today, the mix of nerves, grieving and just telling myself it’s okay, it’s okay. He is near, Emmanuel, Emmanuel, has come to thee O Israel. Rejoice, rejoice!

Have a great day.

Into the future,


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